Sometimes I Think About Dying, directed by Rachel Lambert and based on the short film of the same name, stars Daisy Ridley as lonely office worker Fran. Every day is the same for Fran, until it isn’t. She meets a new coworker, Robert (Dave Merheje), who gives her something to look forward to every day. Although a bit awkward, Fran tries her best to enjoy a dinner and movie date with Robert. Juxtaposed within this narrative is Fran’s wildly imaginative fantasies about dying, what her body will look like post death, and the act of doing the deed. As sad as it seems, Fran is much more interesting than her insecurities.
To give a bit more context, the short film was released in 2019, written and directed by Stefanie Abel Horowitz. The film premiered at Sundance to critical acclaim and made the Oscar shortlist. After making its festival debut last year, the feature-length movie is now officially available in select theaters. It follows the same story but expands on the material, making this a more visually emotive and expressive film. Rather than relying on voice-over narration to convey Fran’s depression, the movie lingers on her silence. It takes Fran twenty minutes to utter a word, but by then, the audience already understands the severity of her loneliness.
If you think the setting looks familiar, that’s because it is. The film is set in the Pacific Northwest and was shot on location in Oregon and Washington. What better way to show depression than to film a movie here! The landscape is dreary and overtly blue. Each long shot resembles a painting. When she can’t speak, the mise-en-scène works to reflect Fran’s inner thoughts. Placing her in a submissive position to life, lying at the edge of the frame; she’s a victim of her surroundings. Afraid to open her eyes to her co-worker’s warmth, she withdraws from life and closes her eyes, finding comfort in her suicidal idealizations of death.
Every bit of Sometimes I Think About Dying reminds the viewer of Fran’s intrusive thoughts. Looking outside of a window becomes a fantasy of hanging from a crane. Going to sleep becomes a decaying body in the forest. These abrupt images are intercut with scenes of Fran languishing at her desk, emphasizing her detachment from reality. One sequence ends with a voyeuristic over the shoulder shot of Fran driving her car at night. Tension builds, but nothing happens. Later in the movie there’s a payoff to that hallucinatory scene.
Robert offers Fran solace from her pain. He invites her out on a date, lets her into his home, and takes her to a party, but he doesn’t know what she’s going through. It’s not until the third act that Robert has any idea why Fran is so withdrawn. Robert’s patience with Fran is almost unbelievable. This isn’t necessarily a flaw of the film, but the viewing experience is a slow one. The pacing of the movie makes this a difficult watch if the viewer isn’t completely immersed.
It isn’t until Fran speaks to another co-worker, Carol (Marcia DeBonis), that she realizes the severity of her depression. That the connections she’s taken for granted are the salve to her intrusive thoughts. Although she’s made every attempt to push those near her away, they still care for her. The antagonist of this film is a collective feeling. The loneliness that pervades each of our souls affects us differently. Fran manages to convince herself that death is all the beauty there is to life, until those around her express their true admiration for Fran. She comes to realize as well that people are worth being around if they bring happiness to your life.
Daisy Ridley is an underrated force in cinema. Coming from nearly a decade of Star Wars success, she’s proven herself as a master storyteller and actress. Through Fran, she achieves her most delicate and profound performance yet. It is a joy to watch her grow. Sometimes I Think About Dying is an all-around fine film.
3/5 STARS