Posted on by mal0105

How To Say “No” Without Crying: A Gentle Guide to Boundary Setting

Are you a serial people-pleaser? Do you say yes to every favor and request even when you are screaming “no!” internally? Do you over commit to events until your calendar is a minefield of stress? And, put everyone else’s needs before your own out of guilt and anxiety about letting people down?

If you said “yes” to any of the questions above, don’t worry, you are not alone! I’ve been there before but I made it out and I’m here to tell you what I’ve learned!

Setting healthy boundaries is an important part of self-care, but it’s not always easy. While being generous and accommodating is admirable, it is important to set healthy boundaries to protect your emotional, physical, and mental well-being. Saying “no” can be challenging, especially when it involves family, friends, or colleagues at work and when you don’t want to disappoint others or are afraid of conflict or rejection. However, not establishing boundaries can lead to burnout, resentment, and enabling unhealthy behaviors. 

So let me present to you some handy-dandy step-by-step tips for implementing healthy boundaries in your life today:

Step 1: Know Yourself & Your Needs

Before you can start saying no, you need to get clear on your needs, priorities, and limits. Take some time to reflect on the following questions:

  • What makes you feel energized vs. drained? What tends to be your warning signs of overwhelm?
  • Which commitments and obligations feel nourishing and which feel depleting?
  • What are your top priorities in terms of your time, energy, and mental space?
  • What are your signs of overwhelm? Do you procrastinate, get irritable, or have trouble sleeping?
  • How much time do you need for rest, alone time, and self-care to function at your best?

Get to know your own limits well. Tune into your feelings and physical signs when you’ve taken on too much. Knowing your boundaries will make it easier to uphold them!

Step 2: Take the Necessary Time to Decide

When someone asks you to do something and you feel uncertain, don’t feel pressured to respond on the spot. Use phrases like:

  • “Let me check my schedule and get back to you.”
  • “Would it be okay if I took some time to think it over?”
  • “Can I let you know next week?”

Giving yourself time prevents you from making hasty decisions that overextend you. It also allows you to consult your priorities list above before committing.

Gentle Reminder: Communication is key. People, unfortunately, don’t see all the things on your metaphorical plate – so let them know and ask questions! Ex. “Hey, I would love to work on (task) currently I was prioritizing (a,b,c) would like me to make this a high priority, or can it wait until (estimated availability?) 

Step 3: Practice Saying No (Small Steps Are Still Steps)

The actual act of saying “no” can feel very uncomfortable, especially if you are not used to establishing boundaries. Practice saying no in low-stakes situations to build up your confidence. 

For example, the next time a store employee offers you a receipt you don’t want and will most likely shove deep down in your bag or pocket, politely decline. Or if a friend invites you to an event you’re not interested in attending because you would rather lay around at home, try saying you’ll pass this time. The more you practice, the easier it will get – you can do this alone, with strangers, or with a trusted friend/family member. 

Step 4: Say No with Compassion

When you decline a request, do so with empathy and compassion. Start with an appreciation for the person and why they asked. For example, “Thank you so much for thinking of me. I’m honored you would ask.” Then explain your reason for saying no – whether you don’t have the capacity or it doesn’t fit in with your current priorities. End by expressing care and confidence in them. For example, “You’re very talented, I know you’ll do great on your own.” or “I’m looking forward to catching up once things slow down” or “I’m happy to help you brainstorm other options.” Being caring reduces the chances of hurt feelings.

Step 5: Propose Alternatives

Where appropriate, offer alternative solutions. Could you do a smaller part of the task or commit for a shorter time period? ex. “I can’t take on another project right now, but I’m happy to provide feedback on your proposal.” Providing options demonstrates you care about the person and their needs, you just can’t meet the original request.

Step 6: Don’t Apologize or Over-Explain

Resist the urge to excessively apologize or justify your decision when saying no. State your decline of the request simply and directly. Avoid vague excuses that leave room for negotiation. Lengthy explanations also inadvertently convey guilt and encourage the other person to try convincing you. Saying no gets easier with practice. While establishing boundaries, remember your needs and well-being deserve priority too. Say no with purpose, clarity, and compassion – both for others and yourself!

Gentle Reminder: “No” is a complete sentence. You are not required to explain every no. “No” on its own is justification enough.

Step 7: Reflect on Progress

Change takes time. Reflect on what went well and where you still struggled after starting to set boundaries. Adjust your approach accordingly. If saying no to a close friend is still hard, practice more casual conversations with strangers or acquaintances first. Setting boundaries takes practice, but it is crucial for your health and relationships. Don’t be afraid to take care of yourself first. The people who care about you will understand and respect your needs!

Gentle Reminder: Thank you for taking the time to listen to what I have to say. You’re doing so amazing and I’m so proud of you! <3

I believe in you – you are capable of great things – good luck!!

Mal Ashraf | She/Her | Student Circulation Specialist

Resources from our Life Skills Section:

Communicate better with everyone. (2021). Harvard Business Review Press.

Manson, M. (2016). The subtle art of not giving a fuck : a counterintuitive approach to living a good life (First edition.). HarperOne.

Gazipura, A. (2017). Not nice : stop people pleasing, staying silent, & feeling guilty … and start speaking up, saying no, asking boldly, and unapologetically being yourself. B.C. Allen Publishing & Tonic Books.

Additional Helpful Articles:

How to Set Boundaries: 5 Ways to Draw the Line Politely

Healthy vs. Unhealthy Boundaries

14 Ways To Practice Self-Care at Work (And Why It Matters)

Learning to Say No: Six Methods You Can Use

Creating a Culture of Self-Care in the Workplace

How to Say No To Others With Confidence and Ease

Posted on by Cesar

My Experience as a First-Generation Latino College Student

Photo Retrieved from the Oswego State University of New York | Penfield Library

The behind the scenes meaning of a student being ‘first-gen’ is much more than what people realize. I find this topic very interesting because people who are first-generation will always have a unique story to tell. First-generation students often feel as if they don’t have the ‘light’ in front of them which serves as a guide for many of them in figuring out what to do with both their educational and personal decisions. They often feel lost when it comes to figuring things out such as college and scholarship applications, FAFSA, moving out for college, etc. The reason why I correlate these things is because I, myself, identify as a first-generation Latino college student and I’ve had to experience this recently. 

My parents migrated from Mexico for a better life filled with endless opportunities than what they had during their lives. Similar to other families, they sacrificed many things and worked tirelessly for everything they have. This is something that I continuously remember whenever things in college, or life for that matter, get challenging. It serves as a motive for me to push myself and work hard so that I will be able to repay them for everything they’ve done for my siblings and me. 

Photo from Unsplash

It really isn’t a joke when people say that high school goes by within a blink of an eye. On the day of my high school graduation, I recall sitting there during our commencement speech as I reflected on all the hard work I had endured. I recall the voices of my teachers saying things like ‘Make sure to keep a good GPA for upcoming college applications’ or ‘Make sure you apply for scholarships to help pay for school.’ I also recalled the additional support I had to seek when applying and filling out these applications. 

When filling these important documents out, I felt lost, and at the time I didn’t know how to manage that because I didn’t have the luxury of having a family member who went through this experience. So, what did I do? I took the initiative to meet with my career counselor various times to ensure I was on the right track when doing these documents. Discussing things like tuition, room and board, grants and loans was always a blur because I’ve never had any previous knowledge about this. It is without a doubt that if it wasn’t for my career counselor and their support, I don’t think I would’ve been able to manage the burden of tackling these things. 

After summer ended, the date of having to move into college came closer. It almost felt like I was in a dream because I’d seen people and heard stories about them moving into college, but I couldn’t realize that it would finally be my turn. I remember that saying ‘See you soon’ to my family was a bittersweet moment. Even though most of my emotions were just nerves about ‘being on my own’ and living away for the academic year, there was a part of me that was still excited and curious about the opportunities that came with the college experience. 

Did you know that The Postsecondary National Policy Institute mentions a study that only 44% of undergraduate students are first-generation Latinos? This came as a surprise to me because, from a bigger picture, I’m a part of this 44% and it’s exciting to see that this percentage is increasing as the years go by. Recognizing this fact is something that inspires me to pursue a higher education. Seeing that Latino students are excelling in academia is absolutely astonishing because a lot of these students are in the same shoes as I am where they too want to become a success story for their families and themselves. The Center for First Generation Student Success offers very insightful facts about the percentages of first-generation students from different racial and ethnic backgrounds. 

UW-Bothell Photo

 Reflecting back on everything I’ve done this past academic year,  I’ve made great memories. I maintained a high GPA while being a part-time student at the University of Washington-Bothell/ Cascadia College library attended events hosted by the Outdoor Wellness Program and LSU, and established lifelong friends in just a couple of months, and even got close with my roommates. During the initial months of this year, I was studying in different locations to see which one was my favorite and with that being said, my top location will have to be the library because this is where I made a couple of my initial friendships. I’ve learned and grown so much in just a few months and it’s certainly hard to believe that summer is nearing.  All of these memories and experiences are ones that I will cherish and remember forever.

If you’re interested in learning more about this topic, Remezcla does a splendid job of shining the light on the stories of a few Latinx students.

Additional Resources for First-Generation Students:

 

Posted on by evhkiehn

Whatever the Weather (Cold Weather Care for Indoor Plants)

In continuing my theme of plant care, I have decided to write a post about how cold weather can affect indoor plants. Although it would be logical to assume that since the plants are indoors, they are unaffected by the changing of seasons, that is not 100% true! Even though they are kept inside, the seasonal changes that accompany cold weather are enough to necessitate a change in a plant’s care. Luckily, most of these changes are relatively simple and easy to implement into a normal plant care routine. If you want more plant care tips, feel free to check out my other blog post, “Be-leaf in yourself! ( and other tips on raising indoor plants)”.

Light

Image found here

The short and dark days that can drag us down, can also affect plants. Sunlight is an essential part of a healthy plant’s diet, without which it can lose its luster and even die. To prevent this, it is a good idea to place all indoor plants in windows that receive the most of the day’s sunlight. Even for more light-averse plants, the weak rays of a south or west-facing window typically does more good than harm. Additionally, consider investing in a UV light lamp, which can boost the amount of growing light a plant receives. Either of these ways is an excellent step towards improving your plant’s growth during the winter.

Water

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It may sound counter-intuitive, but indoor plants need less water in the cold weather. While it’s true that the colder air is typically drier, plants experience a slower rate of growth during the cold weather. Some even cease growing altogether. Less water is needed to keep them hydrated and overdoing it can lead to root rot. In this way, it is best to check with care instructions for the specific plant, to see how much to water at this time.

Humidity

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Humidity is important for all plants, but especially the warmer climate varieties used as typical houseplants. Too much humidity and they can become moldy, too little, they can become brittle and prone to breaking. To ensure they stay hydrated, the humidity should be around 40-50%. One way to do this is to place houseplants in groups. Not only does this look terrific, but it also creates a pocket of humidity, as the moisture released from the plants collectively, benefits each other. You can increase the humidity even more by placing a dish of water in the center of the cluster. The evaporation allows for more humid air.

Temperature

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Most plants, like people, are comfortable in daytime temperatures between roughly 65-75 degrees Fahrenheit, and nighttime temps above 50 degrees Fahrenheit. To provide that for your plants, keep them away from both cold drafts and sources of heat, like radiators, ovens, fireplaces, and electronic devices. Make sure that if plants are placed in windows, they are kept warm, and away from any drafts that may occur. Frequent fluctuations in temperature can kill houseplants just as easily as prolonged periods of heat or cold. For this reason, make sure to keep your plants just as comfortably situated as you would like to be!

Food

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Since your houseplants are barely growing, they don’t need any fertilizer. Feeding them now will just upset their natural cycle, so hold off until spring. When you start to see signs of new growth, or the green of the existing leaves appears to perk up, resume giving your houseplants fertilizing, to give them a quick boost for the growing season.

Making these little shifts in the care of your plants is a great way to ensure that your indoor plants are happy and healthy. Houseplants and taking care of them are a great way to destress and brings a nice spot of color to the otherwise grey weather. Take care of your plants, and they will help take care of you!

Sources:

Admin. “15 Things You Are Doing Wrong That Are Killing Your Houseplants.” Balcony Garden Web, 9 Dec. 2019, balconygardenweb.com/indoor-plant-dying-houseplant-problems/.

“Caring for Indoor Plants During Winter.” Sunday Gardener, 7 Feb. 2019, www.sundaygardener.net/caring-for-indoor-plants-during-winter/.

Dyas, Brie. “6 Things Your Plant’s Leaves Are Trying to Tell You.” Good Housekeeping, Good Housekeeping, 21 Mar. 2018, www.goodhousekeeping.com/home/gardening/g2681/plant-leaves/.

Enbom, Staffan. “Icy_LingonBerry.” Flickr, Yahoo!, 3 Jan. 2005, www.flickr.com/photos/10449804@N00/2891327.

“Tips For Saving Cold Damaged Plants.” Gardening Know How, 1 Sept. 2019, www.gardeningknowhow.com/plant-problems/environmental/tips-for-saving-cold-damaged-plants.htm.

“Tips to Care for Indoor Plants in the Cold Winter.” Angie’s List | Join for FREE to See 10 Million Verified Reviews, 15 Oct. 2019, www.angieslist.com/articles/tips-care-indoor-plants-cold-winter.htm.

Posted on by evhkiehn

Be-leaf in yourself! ( and other tips on raising indoor plants)

Let me just say, I’m sorry about the pun. Nevertheless, it’s true. The best way to deal with bringing plants into your living space is to be confident about what you are doing, and to gain that confidence by actually knowing what you are doing.

That’s where this article comes in.

I’ve compiled a list of some introductory plants for people with no prior houseplant experience, as well as bits of advice on how to not completely kill your plant (at least within the first week). Hopefully it serves it’s purpose, and your living spaces soon all get a little bit greener.

For more information regarding plant toxicity for pets, see the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animal’s website

Snake Plant

Image found here

If you’re looking for a show-stopping plant that draws attention without too much care, this slithery piece of greenery should be your go-to. Growing well in just about any light, snake plants can be placed in almost any room. They also need minimal watering (about once a week) and depending on the variety can grow between 2 and 3 feet tall!

Disclaimer: all parts of this plant are toxic to cats and dogs.

Spider Plant

Image found here

Another astoundingly durable plant, spider plants can thrive in almost any light condition, and even do well in artificial light, making them ideal for offices. They require minimal to moderate watering, and even sprout tiny white flowers when in bloom.

Additionally, this plant is non-toxic for both dogs and cats!

Golden Pothos Vine

Image found here

This trailing vine comes in a variety of colors, and can grow up to 30 feet if well cared for (although feel free to prune if that seems too large). It can handle almost any type of lighting, and is notable for being particularly effective at purifying indoor air of harmful chemicals.

Disclaimer: all parts of this plant are toxic to cats and dogs.

Aloe

Image found here

Aloe is well known for being one of the most widespread medicinal plants in the world, as well as one of the most ancient. It is also surprisingly easy to care for, as it is a succulent. This means that it requires minimal watering, but as a trade-off need lots of direct sunlight. These small plants are eye-catching and vibrant, and make an adorable addition to any windowsill.

Disclaimer: all parts of this plant are toxic to cats and dogs.

Peace Lily

Image found here

Despite this misleading name, peace lilies are not actually lilies, but rather a tropical perennial. They can grow up to four feet tall, and are remarkably good at purifying indoor air. They can grow in both low and bright light, though it is only in bright light that they produce blossoms. Keep the soil of this plant moist, and you are sure to have a striking new addition of foliage!

Disclaimer: all parts of this plant are toxic to cats and dogs.

Sources

“Aloe Vera Plant Care – How To Grow An Aloe Plant.” Gardening Know How, 8 May 2018, www.gardeningknowhow.com/houseplants/aloe-vera/aloe-vera-plant-care.htm.

“How to Grow and Care for Peace Lilies.” Miracle, www.miraclegro.com/en-us/library/indoor-gardening/how-grow-peace-lilies.

Iannotti, Marie. “How to Grow Pothos.” The Spruce, The Spruce, 2 Aug. 2019, www.thespruce.com/pothos-an-easy-to-grow-houseplant-1403154.

“Poisonous Plants.” ASPCA, www.aspca.org/pet-care/animal-poison-control/toxic-and-non-toxic-plants/p.

“Spider Plant Care: Gardening Tips For Spider Plants.” Gardening Know How, 2 Apr. 2019, www.gardeningknowhow.com/houseplants/spider-plant/spider-plant-care-gardening-tips-for-spider-plants.htm.

“Snake Plant Info – How To Grow A Snake Plant And Snake Plant Care.” Gardening Know How, 5 Apr. 2018, www.gardeningknowhow.com/houseplants/snake-plant/snake-plant-care.htm.

Posted on by Jolene Truong

Helpful preventative actions to avoid getting sick

Have you ever wondered why they call fall and winter the “sick seasons”? It’s because when our internal body temperature drops due to cold weather, germs are likelier to thrive and increase the probability of catching a cold. Being on a small campus like UWB/CC, people getting sick can spread like wildfire. On top of getting your annual flu shot, here are some preventive actions that you can take to avoid getting sick this season:

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Hygiene

Sicknesses that are most common on college campuses like the common cold and the flu are spread by coming in contact with someone who is already sick. Practicing and building hygienic habits can save you in the long run.

  • Wash your hands frequently in order to stop the spreading germs. Carrying hand sanitizer is very helpful.
  • Avoid touching your eyes, nose, and mouth with dirty hands.
  • Wash your bedding every two weeks and immediately after you’ve been sick.
  • Don’t share any food or drinks with others so that you don’t give each other whatever sickness is going around.
  • Keep a clean space. Dust harbors millions of microscopic bugs that can make you sick.
  • Remember to cover your coughs and wear a medical face mask when needed.

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Eat right

A balanced diet that gives you the nutrients you need to boost your immune system is a vital part in preventing you from getting sick, but for when you do catch something nasty, your body begins to battle through the sickness throughout the day. Eating the right foods can help restore its energy and have you feeling better quicker.

  • Chicken soup – This classic remedy is full of nutrients like vitamins and protein that are essential to your body’s recovery.
  • Herbal tea – A hot cup of tea can help with congestion and you can also add honey to help soothe a sore throat.
  • Ginger – Eating ginger can reduce nausea and it has an effect to make you feel warm. You can cut up pieces of ginger and mix it into hot water or cook it in with soup.
  • Orange juice – Orange juice is packed with vitamin C that helps your immune system. If you want to try something different, freeze the orange juice and eat it as shaved ice or a popsicle.

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Sleep

This is essential. When you’re sick, your body needs sleep now more than ever. If you’ve noticed that you feel even more tired and sleepy than usual, that’s your body giving you a sign to go to bed. During sleep is when your body does the most fighting and recovering so in order for you to get over your sickness, get enough rest. The recommended hours of sleep for adults is 7 to 9 hours.

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Survival items

You never know when you’ll start feeling sick so it is best to be prepared by carrying some essential items in your bag. If you find yourself coming down with something while on campus, most of the items listed are sold at the University Book Store located inside Food for Thought Cafe.

  • Water
  • Hand sanitizer
  • Mini tissue packs
  • Pain relievers like Advil and Tylenol
  • Cough drops
  • Emergen-C packets

References

“5 Ways to Prevent Getting Sick as Weather Transitions.” GoHealth Urgent Care, 22 Nov. 2017, www.gohealthuc.com/library/5-ways-prevent-getting-sick-weather-transitions.
Jones, Taylor. “The 15 Best Foods to Eat When You’re Sick.” Healthline, 17 June 2016, www.healthline.com/nutrition/15-best-foods-when-sick.
Rossen, Jeff, and Jovanna Billington. “Dust in Your Home Can Make You Sick: Here’s How to Fight It.” Today, 27 Apr. 2017, www.today.com/health/dust-your-home-can-make-you-sick-here-s-how-t110831.