I had never used contemplative practices as a daily routine in my life – up until I began this course. I never was the type of person to prioritize the transformative experience of focusing on oneself. I was skeptical at first, not knowing if I was going to gain a deeper understanding of these practices. I still nonetheless enjoyed taking time during class to fully give myself space to be. Once I became comfortable, with being uncomfortable sitting across from newly acquainted people I began to look forward to this time. I first experienced a sense of observation, as I counted each inhale and exhale from my breath. I felt connected. 

I began to reflect on Wendell Berry’s poem, “The Law that Marries All Things”, and specifically his line, “the cloud is free only to go with the wind.” This freedom to be, and become who we are has stuck with me as we delved deeper into contemplative practice. A freedom I often took for granted. But for me, my understanding of freedom also connected my heightened awareness of death. Our course material has helped bridge the gap between life and death. I think specifically of our reading by Mark Lynas,  “The God Species: Saving the Planet in the Age of Humans,”  How we as individuals have crossed the planetary boundaries and entered into an egotistical system that rules above all other life. I found myself feeling rage after reading this piece. Through this feeling, however, I was able to find inspiration. Contemplative practice has helped me fuel my anger. By enforcing the idea that we do need to check with our individual self. This could be impactful towards making substantial environmental change. We must analyze our physical and emotional connection to the Earth. 

Once in class, we were asked if the course material had begun to weigh on any of us. I felt strongly that I had noticed a change in my emotional being upon starting this course. It was until we had read “Gravity’s Law” by Rainer Maria Rilke, that I felt as if I could deeply accept this weight I was feeling. “If we surrendered to earth’s intelligence we could rise up rooted, like trees.” The fire inside of me felt sparked once again, to enact change and find healing amidst the inevitability of our dying system.