People are busy. Whether through work, hobbies, or time at home, people feel a duty to be doing. Behind this lies a capitalist dogma, prescribing ultimate value to productivity. This same system emphasizes innovation on the basis of increasing this productivity, forming a feedback loop in which tasks are made more efficient, opening up time for new preoccupations. It is in this state of perpetual doing that we forget that we do not have to do. We find ourselves in our free time scrolling perpetually, or gazing at our TVs. We have grown so far from inactivity that it has become a space of unfamiliarity to a point of discomfort. It is through the deliberate overcoming of this discomfort provided by contemplative practices that allows for a moment of reconciliation with a piece of yourself long left ignored.

The Washington Post, Even by ourselves, we avoid ourselves

Just as going on a run burns your lungs and legs, so too can a contemplative practice bring forth anxieties and pains lingering in the mind. Through the choice to accept such hardships, resilience and strength are built in these areas. It is not the sense of accomplishment or clarity felt after these exercises that underline their purpose. There is no single run that will make you marathon-ready, nor is there a single contemplative practice that will resolve an anxiety, but through genuine, consistent effort, the potential for such is unlocked. While certainly far from being in contemplative “shape”, the practices in class have catalyzed conversations with myself I had long known needed to be had, but avoided through constant preoccupation. There are times where I emerge from these conversations deeply relaxed, and others when my discomfort is heightened, yet in both cases there comes a sense of gratification as a result of acknowledgement. This acknowledgment can be in regards to both positive feelings and the distressing, both equally as insightful into my own mind.

The interaction between discomfort and self-assigned preoccupation mirrors my experience with death anxiety. To force myself to think about my own death such as this class has done, I have come to notice a subconscious force to change my topic of thought. Just as with the self-reflection of contemplative practices, by demanding myself to overcome the discomfort, I open a space for genuine acknowledgement. These experiences have come to teach me the power of diversion, but the even more valuable power of overcoming diversions to the uncomfortable.