“It’s amazing how physically exhausting it can be to do nothing. If you are unable to endure boredom, this work is not for you.” — The Killer
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Review: ‘Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio’: Unbound by the Strings of Expectation
For some godforsaken reason, pop culture is currently in the midst of a Pinocchio epidemic. Left and right, up and down, Pinocchio is everywhere. Disney dumped out their live-action remake of Pinocchio earlier this year, a drab, mostly beat-for-beat remake, apart from the addition of pop culture references and Disney+ advertising. Then, over from Russia, we have the infamous Pinocchio: A True Story, a very-fictional animated film starring Pauly Shore, which is almost certainly a front for a mafia money-laundering scheme. And, finally, in the world of gaming, we have Lies of P, a grim-and-gritty reimagining of Pinocchio as a magical steampunk Blade Runner, where Pinocchio himself resembles a cybernetically-enhanced Timothée Chalamet. It’s a little unfair to lump that last one in with the others, but regardless, Pinocchio has become an icon of unoriginality, a soulless husk puppeteered by corporate forces looking to make an easy profit off name-recognition. But just as it seemed that there was no integrity left, out has emerged Guillermo del Toro to grant the character life once again.
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Review: ‘The Power of the Dog’ Finds Another Worthy Vessel
Her first film in 12 years, Jane Campion’s The Power of the Dog is a venomous, suppressed exploration of masculinity on a disappearing Western front. Based on Thomas Savage’s book of the same name, the film follows two ranchers: Phil Burbank (Benedict Cumberbatch), and his brother, George (Jesse Plemons). George is stocky and plodding, wears suits and is always polite. Phil is lean and whip-smart, but with a cruel tongue and a savage instinct at the scent of any perceived weakness – including his own. He dominates the ranch, castrating bulls with his bare hands and commanding the property with the steely swagger of a true “cowboy”. So, when George disrupts the ranch hierarchy and unexpectedly brings home a wife, Rose (Kirsten Dunst), Phil utterly rejects her, beginning a campaign of psychological torture. But he faces an unlikely foe in Rose’s son, Peter (Kodi Smit-McPhee), as Phil and Peter’s growing relationship brings up deep secrets and a long-hidden yearning.
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Review: ‘Red Notice’ is an Action-Comedy that Leaves the Action at Home and Forgets What Comedy Looks Like
In the lead-up to the release of Red Notice, stars Dwayne Johnson and Ryan Reynolds promoted the film by calling attention to the massive budget granted by Netflix—$200 million, a record for the streaming service. Most of the budget was likely reserved for the three-headed dragon that is the cast: the aforementioned Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and Ryan Reynolds also team up with Gal Gadot, with Rawson Marshall Thurber as writer and director, providing a known formula that’s followed almost to a T but disregards quality at every step of the way.
Review: ‘Love Hard’ Provides a Refreshing Twist on the Rom-Com
Romantic comedies, or rom-coms, have been following a very, very formulaic approach to plot nowadays: lonely people with unlucky dating lives meet the partners of their dreams, do quirky things together, and ultimately end up together while cheesy pop music plays in the background. Kiss, and roll credits. That’s it, right? I mean, following this approach is practically how any movie studio can succeed!
If you or a loved one have been bored, offended, or even fooled by this formula, look no further than Hernán Jiménez’s new film Love Hard, which has recently come to Netflix. It…somehow doesn’t do all of this.
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Review: ‘The Starling’ Means Well, But Just Can’t Fly
A lot of modern “dramedys” get the genre-blending done right. The Starling, set in our native Seattle, is not like that in any way, and can be held up to the microscope as a good example of why Netflix needs to have standards when passing various projects. The streaming giant probably saw the reel, said “hey, Melissa McCarthy and that tall dude from The IT Crowd aren’t bad!,” and thought it was a sure bet. But like the awful CGI bird that gave the movie its title, it really isn’t.
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Review: ‘Gunpowder Milkshake’ Serves Up a Copycat Meal
Netflix’s newest action-comedy-thriller-John Wick knockoff known as Gunpowder Milkshake can best be described like this: what if that one female-superheroes-assemble scene from Avengers: Endgame was expanded into a full 90-minute-long movie, starring one of the actors from that specific scene, incorporating plenty of A24-style lighting and featuring a cute kid for good measure? The simplicity and superficiality of this kind of “girlboss” energy is the fuel that drives this unnuanced, ungraceful, often uninteresting film. While there are brief delights and satisfying action sequences, numbness sets in like you’re actually drinking a milkshake.
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Review: ‘The Kissing Booth 3’ is Thankfully the Last One
As I said in my review of the second film, I do not like the Kissing Booth trilogy despite my unashamed love for teen comedy films. What I’ve really disliked about Vince Marcello’s first two attempts at “filmmaking” (a term I have always used very lightly with regards to him) is how shallowly Marcello portrays everything – both the actual relationships between characters and the so-called “deeper meanings” behind the plot, characters, and actions. What the first two films did have was viewership: the Netflix user data (obtained via totally legal methods) shows that audiences wanted more.
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Review: ‘Army of the Dead’ May Be Zack Snyder’s Most Fun Film
In the opening credits of Zack Snyder’s newest feature Army of the Dead, you can nearly feel the director’s giddy smile stretching across the hedonistic melee. In Las Vegas, flesh-eating zombies are beginning to outnumber the casinos. And they’re consuming unsuspecting tourists just as quickly. Cannibalistic showgirls prowl for prey. Slot-machine junkies bundling up their remaining pittance dodge the newly infected. A dimwitted Elvis impersonator, wig askew, looks blankly over the carnage as the real Elvis Presley’s “Viva Las Vegas” plays in the background the zany bloodshed. It’s the rare instance where a film’s climax occurs in the first few minutes.
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Review: Amy Adams Deserves Better in ‘The Woman in the Window’
Ms. Amy Adams, you are our underdog. Nominated for six Academy Awards, most followers of film agree that she is long overdue an Oscar. She is endlessly charming, and morphs into wildly different roles, from the quiet power of Peggy in The Master to the comfortable relatability of the titular Julie in Julie & Julia. To quote the kids, she has the range! It is frustrating that her most recent releases are films like Hillbilly Elegy and now The Woman in the Window. The Woman in the Window follows an agoraphobic child psychologist living in New York City who spies on her neighbors, Rear Window-style. Continue reading “Review: Amy Adams Deserves Better in ‘The Woman in the Window’”