Tonight, as I sit re-listening to “Climate Complexity”, I am feeling unusually contemplative for recent times. Here in the corner of my living room I am surrounded by the sound of rain pouring and splattering. It’s late, I’ve had a long day and I feel quiet and thoughtful. 

How I have been feeling lately, not conducive to contemplating

I have been struggling through the contemplative practice element of our class. Not because I do not buy into them, purely because I have been avoiding contemplation in general. Painful events in my personal life and the fear of this pandemic’s unknowns have left me avoiding introspection. There are so many forces beyond me at play, I feel small and hopeless. I suppose this is how I’ve always felt about climate change… scary forces beyond my control. But these forces have never directly affected me as the forces of the universe seem to be affecting me now. 

Guided by Karen’s voice, I suddenly realize that my reaction to climate change is so dull. I have been in too many classes, heard this overwhelming information too many times. I feel numb to the tragedy and need for action. Who am I to climate change? I am part of the problem. By all accounts I am in the most privileged sect of the global population in terms of this issue. My home is in a region which will not face extreme climate consequences, a region where agricultural production may actually be enhanced by climate change. I am on the benefiting side of each piece of the triple inequality. In all likelihood I will not suffer the worst climate consequences. I benefit from living in a nation and region thriving due to vast energy consumption which exacerbates the climate crisis. This same nation and region is far better equipped to respond to climate catastrophes than those globally where people will suffer far greater tragedies, such as Central America, where farmers are even now being forced off their land and out of their way of life. 

Contemplating anthropogenic climate change

I am part of the problem because I willingly accept all the benefits of my privilege yet I make myself numb to the dark side. I avoid contemplating the realities of suffering, future peril, ecosystem loss, etc. It is not as though I am not trying on an individual level to do my part. I grow much of my own food right here in the city, I held out on getting my driver’s license until less than a year ago (in-part to protest car-dominated culture) and still travel almost everywhere on bike or foot. But my individual attempts to have a smaller footprint do nothing to really address climate change, they mostly make me feel better in the face of overwhelming information.

If I want to go beyond individual actions, I suppose I must start with practicing greater contemplation. I won’t be motivated to do anything beyond myself if I feel numb. Yet on the other hand, no one individual can handle internalizing the whole reality of climate change. So what is the right balance, and where can I begin?

-Aisling Doyle Wade