This is from an in-class contemplative practice we did on 4/14/20. The simple question was: How are you? Karen took us on a guided, grounding meditation, and I felt compelled to journal how this quarter is hitting me, personal realizations, and perhaps questions that might be useful to ask yourself. So, how am I?

I feel better sitting outside. I feel tense with the sounds of machinery. I feel stressed with the rushed pace of classes. I want to move slow, live slow, and breathe. I want to enjoy my life the way I like to enjoy it, not how America trains us to enjoy it. And it isn’t lazy. It’s valuing quality over quantity.

How can I live slowly when classes demand otherwise? Is it possilbe to move slowly through class and still excel? Do I have to keep riving myself along the edge of stress and anxiety? Or can I practic doing what’s asked and no more?

What will happen if I do this quarter my way? Cameras off when I can, outside, listening when necessary. Handing in quality, but not doing excess. Doing work as needed, but taking a break from leading and pushing others to my usual standard.

What if I take a break? Be and become myself: slow, relaxed, and not desperately trying too prove myself but rather being just…fine. What if I stop trying to make everything about impressing people and just take care of myself and be happy? Live for myself. I don’t have to be amazing. What will happen if I live without that stress?

These aren’t normal times. It’s been incredibly hard to check in with myself and try to give myself permission to not push to what’s become a breaking point due to personal struggles right now. Sometimes it’s OK to be OK, and it’s OK to not be OK. We have to take care of ourselves, not just right now, but always.