Insight Into Yourself

I took Pol S 384 with Karen last fall and took the in-class contemplative practices with her, but I didn’t feel the power of it until our first in-class practice this quarter. The whole practice was about a simple question: How are you? But I felt energized and refreshed after that.

Because of the COVID-19 pandemic, the uncertainty of a new learning style, and the stress of being alone in a country away from home made me feel depressed and stressed out. I could not stop worrying about the exacerbating problems of COVID-19 and focus on my study. However, through the practice, I calmed down and started to feel the innermost emotions and energy.

Follow Karen’s guiding questions and her soft, gentle voice, I began to ask myself: who am I? Do I feel good now? How can I live and study normally if the world is normal? Can I keep being healthy and optimistic under such huge anxiety? What if I take a break and accept all the unusual things as the new normal?

After the ten minutes of asking myself and seeking for answers, I was clearer about what I should do and realized that I was trapped in negative thoughts and it’s OK to be not OK. I felt full of power and energy after doing that contemplative practice. I became efficient and positive about life again. In my opinion, contemplative practices give us an opportunity to focus on our thoughts and have some insight into the problem. That’s why I like to do the practice right before our class. It helps me settle down to be prepared for the class. And I especially like the in-class ones, since they make me feel the class is united and we are all together in this extremely hard time.

日落, 海, 波罗的海, 字符, 男子, 女子, 晚上, 太阳, 性质, 海岸, 体质, 暮光之城, 心情

How Are You?

This is from an in-class contemplative practice we did on 4/14/20. The simple question was: How are you? Karen took us on a guided, grounding meditation, and I felt compelled to journal how this quarter is hitting me, personal realizations, and perhaps questions that might be useful to ask yourself. So, how am I?

I feel better sitting outside. I feel tense with the sounds of machinery. I feel stressed with the rushed pace of classes. I want to move slow, live slow, and breathe. I want to enjoy my life the way I like to enjoy it, not how America trains us to enjoy it. And it isn’t lazy. It’s valuing quality over quantity.

How can I live slowly when classes demand otherwise? Is it possilbe to move slowly through class and still excel? Do I have to keep riving myself along the edge of stress and anxiety? Or can I practic doing what’s asked and no more?

What will happen if I do this quarter my way? Cameras off when I can, outside, listening when necessary. Handing in quality, but not doing excess. Doing work as needed, but taking a break from leading and pushing others to my usual standard.

What if I take a break? Be and become myself: slow, relaxed, and not desperately trying too prove myself but rather being just…fine. What if I stop trying to make everything about impressing people and just take care of myself and be happy? Live for myself. I don’t have to be amazing. What will happen if I live without that stress?

These aren’t normal times. It’s been incredibly hard to check in with myself and try to give myself permission to not push to what’s become a breaking point due to personal struggles right now. Sometimes it’s OK to be OK, and it’s OK to not be OK. We have to take care of ourselves, not just right now, but always.